Stepping into Stillness

Recently, while at an event with a friend, she turned to look at me and said, "What's wrong? Why are you so quiet?" Admittedly, I had not seen this friend in almost two years, and her questions made me reflect on how much things can change in two years! I have always considered myself a quite person, an observer, someone who only opens up to a small number of very close friends [Oh the irony of now having my public Kathryn Palacio (Loving My Soul) YouTube channel, LovingMySoul1111 Instagram account, Kathryn Palacio - Loving My Soul Facebook page, and Loving My Soul blog]. This friend is one of those people with whom I have shared my dreams, hopes, fears, and disappointments.

I began to think about the me that she used to know. The me with whom she was used to interacting, who she was expecting to be with her at that event. The me I was two, five, or even 10 years ago. In the past, I much more dissatisfied with my life. I was trying to figure out who I was and what I wanted. I was trying to find what made me happy and created passion and fulfillment in my heart. The operative word is that I was "TRYING".

I may not have had the best coping skills at that time. I more easily became frustrated. I probably complained and gossiped more than I do now. There were times in social situations where I would ramble on awkwardly because I was not good at small talk and didn't like awkward silences.

Gateway Oracle Cards by Denise Linn
During my journey through the past two years or so, I occasionally pull a card from the Gateway Oracle Cards by Denise Linn and ask what I most need to know about the energies in my life at that moment. Frequently, when I do this, I pull the card, "Stepping into Stillness" (shown above). I think about how many of us struggle being still or can't stand being in a silent room for an extended period of time. Often, many of us face difficulties in taming our monkey minds and may fear being left alone with ourselves, our own thoughts, and our inner critics. Unfortunately, we are often our own harshest judges and biggest critics. With that in mind, how did I transform from the person my friend knew who to someone who can comfortably step into silence and just be?

For the past five years, I have not had a TV in my home. I do not watch or read the news, because often it is not a happy sight. I stopped listening to the radio, because I would find myself uncomfortable/disillusioned when I started listening the lyrics, and instead listen to specific CDs or a "Happy" playlist that I created. I spend time reading or listening to audio books. I take walks in parks. I have learned several different types of dance. I have explored meditation and yoga. I go to an outdoor yoga class.

Someone once told me that a knife does not cut as well when it is dull and that it is important that we spend time sharpening our blade. Sometimes I drive 45 min out into the middle of nowhere to enjoy nature. I began to focus on self-care. I spend time with the people I love. I have learned to feel, accept, and embrace my emotions. I have found hobbies that let me be in the flow of creativity. I have learned to forgive and to let go of what I cannot control and what no longer serves me. I have found balance in so many areas of my life.


These days, I often tell people that I live in my own little personal bubble of "everything is awesome". I am much more comfortable in my own skin and truly love and value who I am. I trust that all will be well. I am typically patient and content where ever I am and in whatever company. I am perfectly content to simply be. I am more mindful in all of my interactions, instead of simply reacting to whatever comes my way.

I probably speak less, but it is because I am holding space for whomever I am with and whatever I am experiencing. When I do speak, it is usually because I really have something to say. Most importantly, I take note of when I cross paths with another and I am able to plant a seed that may help them along their way (an important part of my dharma/life path). Whether I am happy or sad, it is far easier these days to feel content and to be still because I have so much love, gratitude, and appreciation in my heart for the life I have made for myself.

If I had to summarize the key to my transformation in a few words, it would be:
Learn to quiet our minds and listen to our hearts. What makes our hearts sing? Our hearts know the way!

No matter how long or how well we know someone, they (and we) change every single day with every single experience. Each day that we cross paths with another is a gift for us to see how they have grown and changed, to truly hold space for and be present with them. Sometimes our friends and acquaintances serve as sacred mirrors to show us how much we have changed and how far we have come.

As with everything I share, please take what speaks to you and leave the rest.

Many blessings!

Facebook: www.facebook.com/kathrynpalacio1111
Instagram: lovingmysoul1111
YouTube: Kathryn Palacio
Website: www.lovingmysoul.com

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